even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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