do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is my gift to your gina
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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