Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
