I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize