remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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