YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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