I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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