fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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