Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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