I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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