I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
