Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
