"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
40s are totally the cure
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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