Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
