Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
