so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So much Jack, so little girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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