He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
