Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
