I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
