I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Acid is not a monday night drug
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
