3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
