Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
