soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
