okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
