My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
