mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
