You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You made out with two different species that night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
