we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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