I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
