Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
