The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
