Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
