Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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