I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
