You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
