My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
