I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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