Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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