wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize