two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
