Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
