I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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