um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
