Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have fence marks all over my body
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
