all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
