There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
