I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
