Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
