how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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