Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
