I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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