Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
