He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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