do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
