I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i believe in u and ur pee
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