got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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