This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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