Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
