mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
