Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
