Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
