I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize