Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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